Here I am

Ok, so I’m finding in my human comforts I enjoy being adored to a certain extent, but too much adoration seems to also be a drain on my own space!
Having someone Gaze at me for lengths of time when invited, is pleasurable. On the other hand, when gazed at when I am wanting my own space is exhausting!
It feels as though a demand is being put on my energy and this repels me!
My search now is to be true to my feelings without being rude to another’s desire to gaze, but to still maintain my presence without the demand of a withdrawal of my energy being pulled upon…
The trick is to allow my purposing for any given moment to be voiced without apology and to be true to myself and how I wish these moments to be! No one else will get the benefit of meeting me, if I don’t also acknowledge myself for my energetic sensitivities…
Learning that I don’t have to be the way another desires is key in expressing my truth of presence! The universe I am co-creating desires nothing else more than for me to break free from the egg shells I’ve been walking on. Thinking this is the humble and a proper way of being has actually kept me tied into a belief system that is designed for sheep and not shepherds; mortals and not gods; people pleasing and not personal empowerment!
So over all the universe is calling me to be in acknowledgement of my self worth and that my feelings are my servants and service me they do, if I but listen and trust they will guide me into my highest integrity of fruitfulness!!!

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Recent encounters

I had a ceremony on April 3rd, 2016 to be joined with another for all eternity according to the guises of the spiritual tradition of the Lakota Sioux! We had invited the Chinoopa (Creation pipe) into our dance of Marriage.
What happened next over a month’s time was a smoking out of the issues from any and all hidden places of Consiousness… Like throwing tear gas, would drive people out of a building under attack!
Boy, did this work to see all fears manifested! We quickly found distrust and a frustration that made for incompatibility!
And this was the sad truth of it and the happy result as well, that saved us from years of suffering and trying to get the other to bend to our will that would alleviate said fears and make for a happy Marriage!
I said my final goodbyes to that Chapter last night. Funny thing,  our Legal paperwork had never been signed by us… We had mailed it in minus our signatures! Which now in retrospect seems like our spirits knew this path was not in our highest good and was protecting us from further entanglement!
I am glad that the universe is looking out with new mercies everyday!
When this first began to manifest, I got into fear about how my Elders in my Clan will now look on me and what kind of Havoc would come spiritually due to walking against our Agreement of the pipe Ceremony…
Since My return to Washington after our Honeymoon / working an event together, I’ve found nothing but blessing upon blessing! I worked a spiritual Expo and found praise for my way of being.. Which was in total contrast to how my “ex-wife” felt about my energy and or my mode of operandi on most days of our interactions…
And the universe even brought me someone that could see my value on a romantic level. And with ease and natural flow no doubt!
I am glad for transforming spaces of heart and mind!
Today is a new day, life is ever saying hello from the unknown and inviting me in farther and further beyond the realm of fear timidity! Beholding a trust that doesnt need results to move forward upon the path! Meaning no need to check the ground beneath to make for sure footed-ness, but rather trusting that the universe is just as much involved in my favor as a father or mother would in teaching a child to walk…