Sitting here at 356 am

I’ve come down with some kind of stomach flue or food poisoning, I hope! And it is calling me to think of the “what if’s” of life… For instance, “what if” I had terminal cancer, how would I live my remaining days on earth??

First I’d write my story for my Son, sharing everything I could for his heart purposes to get to know me as all children long to do about their parents! Especially their Fathers I believe! Nothing against Mothers, but there is a certain magic between a child and their Father…

I think it has to do with the subtle truth that they provided the seed; mean while they already know their Mom, for that is where they hung out for the duration of the pregnancy.

I also believe that a child receives the firm hand and the loving hand from the Father,  expecting it that way. While the Mother on the other hand is expected to be nurturing for the reason of the womb once again!

Anyway to get back on point, sickness is a great reminder of uncertainty and the blessing of the unknown…  If one so chooses to see it that way. And since I’ve been on this kick of there being no victims; then it would suffice to say that God is either everything or nothing! If God does not exist, then we’re all victims of chance, but if God does exist as I have experienced in varying ways; then we are looking at a whole different story line with sets of rules that bend and break! While other statutes stay hard fast more than the air we breathe and the world we know! Is this life a spiritual boot camp for Eternity??? I think, yes!

This makes me want to write more than ever, but then the discipline lacks right when I need it most, for the illusions of bills and living in society creep in and say, “Bills don’t pay them selves, and the circus continues another day!

So how do we become like Christ and Buddha and take off the shackles of said responsibilities and go after the kind of responsibility that could only be born out of desperation! This kind of letting go, the the world seemingly hates, but secretely wishes for! Why else do we like musicians so much, a person that let’s go of all else, not letting the push back of the haters be the last word! And goes after living on a vibrational plain of existence, where all is drawn to you, if your heart only echoes back all the pain, passion, and dreams of the Masses….

What would happen if I only did my dream and said “fuck the bullshit,” would my son be proud?Would I struggle for a while and then just return to the machine to make more batteries? At that my son might be proud on a shallow level, but never see the radical come alive in me! Unless he dared jump past my unpolished life! That would leave him old leathers of other men’s dreams that had gave up too and never polished them shoes to give them a proper burial! Which for me would mean, only stay in the game of hustling for cash long enough to polish them shoes and then just drop off the edge and fly into the unknown where money is just the illusion we  have to agree on, like time for those about us that don’t know we’re already in eternity where all time, money, and abundance is without end!!!

Get this one down open to the influx and grab an ore and paddle down stream more….

It just hit me, so in this realm devoting my time is the same as devoting my money! The more I charge for my time the more I get out of it! If I nickel and dime eternity, then I get menimum wage! And somewhere deep inside we all know we’re worth more than that! Which makes sense of why so many are unhappy with the scraps of what the world seemingly gives! But it is not the world, only our limited view of it!

I can remember years ago, this thought came to me every time I would see a nice car or someone wealthy; that there was money in abundance out there, it is just a matter of finding the right stream! And after writing as a desperate man would to find meaning in his dying days; it has fallen in my lap from on High, and even better than in years past for I am Sober enough to catch the glimpse!!!

I love waking up, thank you to my living and abundant universe slash God, eternity was surely set in my heart from before the foundations of the world!!! You rock soul, thanx for listening!!!

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wrapping my head around the moment..

Wrapping my head around the moment of all the rushing emotions of a life time of choices that have brought me to the here and now! I have always felt the call to write, but have run from it as if this would be my sentence to being a lone wolf! Wresting with loneliness only leads to more of it! And embracing it still leaves me hanging on a limb that reaches to the outer limits of what I have so neatly evaded with religious and philosophical views to infinitum! Suffice it to say this is the only path left to feel, live, and move in. It is found in a posture of contentment, settled in a seed of a lonely tree of meditation that is sure to bare the fruit of harmony and a type of productiveness never sought after by many…

The few that find it are a transformed tree of sustenance for the lonely seeker of an invisible source of love, joy, and passion,  and untapped richness are the ear marks of the daring souls that venture out to the distant land within!!!

I dare to embark on this journey, listening to this light is my hope in a life full of darkness and a kind of pain that was brought on by excluding this path as imperative to follow after head long as if chasing the love of my life to the ends of the earth to express my undying love!

And isn’t this what all are attracted to in a person? One who finds the company of self as enriching as anything sought after that would yield endless wealth and stability in a worldly sense. . .